If You Really Knew Me.

If you really knew me, you’d know…

…that there are times where I look and the mirror and am ashamed.
…I’ve been wanting to update my facebook picture but I never feel I look good enough to do it.
…I am crying as I type this.
…there is nothing more I want right now than a hug.
…that I don’t think I have a single friend to talk to about how I feel.
…that I’m not sure I have friends at all.
…my overprotective way of hiding my sexuality distances me from anyone who could be a true, good friend.
…I feel alone.
…I have so much love I wish I could give but outside of my family have no one to give it to.
…I really wish I did have someone else to love.
…I want someone to love so much but am too scared to reach out.

If you really knew me, you’d know that the one thing I need most right now is a friend who I can wrap my arm around and let them know how much they mean to me, and a friend where I know they feel the same way too.

– – –

Today I was on my facebook and someone I used to know posted a status talking about the show Teen Mom and how someone from my area was on there. I turned the channel and watched it out of interest.

Immediately following that show was the premiere of a show call “If You Really Knew Me”. I had never heard of it before watching the commercial, but I knew instantly I had to stay and watch. They had these kids from a high school doing an activity where they finished the sentence “If you really knew me…”. It made me realize how much we all have in common, how much we all need and feel the same things, even for the same reason sometimes.

The program that MTV features is called Challenge day, and right now I am staring at the “contact us” page as I type. There is a box I could check saying I would be willing to volunteer at an event. So much I want to be able to send in my offer but I fear I would chicken out and simply not follow through. I fear if I went that I would break down and come out. As strange as it is, as much as I fear it, I think that this would be a way I would like to go about it.

~ by TJ on July 21, 2010.